VISUALLY DISTRACTED

The word "Visually distracted" itself says everything i want to say. Its all about the point of time when i had a hallucination and was totally disturbed with what i see around me.

I had been on Hash but later found out something else was mixed along the weed. 

I was tripping, restless and my heart was pumping like a moving train. There was something going in my mind. i was scared from the deep down and the fear had taken over me and my mind. Soon after i started having a short term memory loss, i was dehydrated. i was restless, my body temperature was raising. My legs wanted to walk and my body wanted to rest. I had a conflict with my body and my mind.....i was lost. I was having the hardest time of my life and at the same time i was afraid. I was speechless but millions of things were up and running in my mind. Those things repeatedly repeating is annoying me and on the other hand i am not being able to speak and this was making me more hyper. Despite of all the anger stored up i have a grim face and silence had locked my lips. I tried speaking up with my friends but they seemed scared seeing my situation. The scared friends faces also got locked in my mind and i was even more scared seeing them like that, Gradually experienced the extremest and thee worst part of smoking a Hash. I feel the blood running through my vain in a speed of a racing car. i was hyper and my legs were shaking like hell, ii could not speak up what i want to and my mind was like fighting for getting along. This is what i call being "Stoned".

 I remember everything very vivid, at times i acted like a calm and at times i tried responding to my friends but again i was lost. i remember drinking and ice-cold water like nothing and walking around the rain for hours. All this time i had a friend who stood by me. i remember at one time saying take rest and sit for a while and i replied "OK" but was standing all the time staring. This was really weird and i really want to get rid of this

feeling. i somehow managed to talk and asked my friend to take me upstairs in my room. the next thing i remember is i was sitting on my bed and all the others was asking me "how am i feeling"? I couldn't reply and was really really feeling so helpless. Then i somehow  managed to speak saying "i want to sleep" but again i couldn't. Later again after an hour or more i asked my friend to help me getting on my bed and this time i am laying on my bed but still millions of things were up and running in my head. My fear had reached the peak and was killing me slowly. I convinced my self and tried sleeping. The next morning i wake up all well and my mind working as fine as it was before. But the experience taught me a lot.

But suddenly after a month i realized that the time i was lost, i was "visually distracted" by hash but in real life i am still "Visually Distracted" by fake people all around me. Chasing fake people and sharing things with them. Calling them my friend was making me more weaker then hash did. My level of fear was to the top and it was only making me weaker and miserable. I left my true friend and was running behind the fake people calling them my friend and knowing that made me more helpless and left a grim on my face and sorrow on my heart for myself. 

Now i feel like being into drugs, atleast when i am drugged i can be on my own world either i am happy or sad its within my mind. No fake people to hurt me and no more wrong decision to cry for.

Being "Visually Distracted" by Drugs are so much better than being visually distracted by some wrong people around.

Nepai Bhanney ki Nepali banney

Ha ha .... hasna maan lagchha kailey kai yo kura suneyra “Nepali bhanney ki nepali Banney”. Hami nepali nepal ma janmney pachi nepali nai hunchhau ni hoina ra ... aani Nepali bhaye pachi Hamlai kina bhanu paryo ma nepali hun bhaneyra??? Sachi nai bhaney ho bhaney, ekadesh ko kura jasto lagchha tara tyo jamana ma nepal ma dashain, tihar kati ramailo hunthyo, dhyunsi, Bhailo aanuthey, manchey haru ko chal pahal, aakash bhari changa nai changa hunthyo. Tara aajkal k bhako nepali haru lai ghar ma changa udauna chodeyra changa udauna lai ni Nagarkot ko danda tira pugchan paisa tiri tiri ... Dhyunsi aaunchha tara band baja booki. Abo k bhaney tini haru lai “Nepali baney ko bhaney ki Nepali Bhayeko bahney ???”

Kathmandu ko sadak ma Christmas ani new year ma kati manchey haru ko chahal pahal hunchan tara nepali haru ko mahan chad bada dashain aani naya barsha ma khoi kaha haraunchan tini haru ... “k yeshari nai ho nepali ko pahichan diney????”

Aajkal ko bachha haru lai A-Z bhan bhaneyra sodhey…..handi ma makai bhutey ko jasti garu bhatta bhattaaa bhanchan tara tehi bachha lai nepali barhaakhari bhan bhanyo bhaney Kathmandu ko dhulo sadak ko jam ma hindey ko gadi jastai aadki aadki bhanchan. “k yehi nai ho nepali bahney ko????”

Restaurant tira gayera Italian ani chinese khana khanu palkey ko yo jibro ley nepali dhindo ra gundruk ko aachar ko swad birsey jasto chha …. “K yehi ho nepali bhaney ko ??”

Bhuley saabai ley ki daura surwal ani kammar ma sirupatey khukuri bhirada ko saan, Gunyo choli aani kamar ma patuki lagaunda ko swandarya, launa thaley Jeans aani tshirt bhuley nepali sanskriti aani aani aapnauna thaley paschimi sabhyata…. “K yeshlai bhaninchha Nepali baney ko??”

Saabai jana ley paschimi sabhyata lai ramro sanga aapnayeko chha aajkal tara tehi paschimi sabhyata lai samat da samatdai nepali sabhyata haraundai gako koshalai patto nai chiana. Ajhai bhanchan

"Nepali bhaney ki nepali banney"

Ma bhanchu tini haru lai

"Nepal ma janmera nepali bannu pardaina ..... aani nepali bhai sakey pachi nepali bhannu pardaina"

Jay nepal

"SUMMER, MICRO & KATHMANDU"

I usually don't travel by public vehicles by choice. I own a scooter, and go vroom vroom but unfortunately it’s a rest day for my scooter. What I hate the most of all is travelling in said "MICRO BUS" in hot summer's day. Scrap hate. I LOATHE!!!!

In an ideal world, a micro would be comfortable enough with 15 passenger. Air-conditioning would be blasting and all of those who are travelling would have a smile plastered on their faces.... But  NOOOOo !!!! Only in Nepal, at least 25 people are crammed into that tiny space and doesn’t even include those are standing. People act like they are in rush .... That they HAVE to board that vehicle. I let them who badly need to reach their destination get in first and settle for the seat that is close to the door.

My journey started from Gaushala. I got the window seat as I love to look out while traveling. that is the only thing I can do to refrain myself from jumping up and dancing NOT to 'Simple simple kanchi ko dimple" the driver plays oh so loud, which i also find shameless to singing along to. My ride was usually pleasant except for the occasional bumps and jerks. It’s the micro i have the issue with. The baneshwor route to be precise   From gaushala to new baneshwor it takes approximately 15 mins but ohh boy, it felt like an hour. Along the way it stops one too many times. "baneshwor ma ta jhari halchu ni" bereates the "khalashi" bhai to my complaints. He’s in tattered clothes and yet sports slick Ray bUn aviators. His bad DIY bleached hair is tied in a tiniest pony tail and the neck of his needed a good scrubbing.

Since I am sitting near to the door. Someone's underarm's right in front of my nose and that person has obviously never heard the name of deodorant. I tried to be polite so I didn't covered my nose. The door is closed. it’s so hot and the window aren't opened because "Uff kathmandu ko dhulo". I hold my breath until I succumb to my need to breath. The first whiff of my air I take was the smell of the underarm intermingled with a frat. Imagine a mutton curry left standing under the stifling sun for 3 days would smell like. Mix that with the most awful body odor you have ever came across. My stomach does somersaults and backhand springs. Nausea starts to kick in. my head feels light and before I throw up the khalashi bhai saves my day "naya baneshowr jharney koi chha?" mustering all the energy I can, I muttered "Chha"

It’s not over yet.. I handed him the fare. The "khalashi" bhai shouts that I gave him a rupee less. I shouted back I do not have 1 rupee. He shouted back " herda kheri dhani bau ko chooro. goji ma ek rupaiya ni nahuney" Touché !!!! I meekly shake my head and dash across the road passanger staring and pointing at me.

Oh the worse has yet to come... SUMMER has just begun

The haunted city "KATHMANDU"

The city is haunted

By old memories, old wounds

Every corner, every turns reminds you of better days. When hanging around in gallis and Chiya pasal made you feel cool and life seemed that bit sweeter. When you were on cups of life and all that it has to unleash on your grown up self.  Haunted by nostalgia: the taunting and testing of memories of good old days gone by.

The city is haunted

By familiar face, old acquaintances

Haunted by their judgement, by their perception, shaped by years of trickle down information that reached them completely and ridiculously uttered from truth. By their incessant questions, their hunger for dirt, and unparalleled capability of gossip.

Haunted by the casualties in the game we play. By the collateral damage in the politics of relationship, where loyalty and alliances comes in to play. By the irreparable damages of past mistake and the irreplaceable voids left behind by the people who once filled it.

This city is haunted

Muted scream and quite rage keep people awake at night. We are always chasing something or its running away. Chasing a favors, a debtor, petrol or gas, a job, a dream, hands always grasping thin air. And running away form the creditors, landlord, responsibility and disappointment. Clutching the frayed ends of hope.

We are all haunted by the fear that this could be as good as it gets; a life at best of sustenance and survival.

We are all haunted by the ghost of broken promises and bottled resentment. By misplaced priorities, rotting soul, greed and desperation: by corrupt officials and loan shark, inflated price and deflated sprits.

This city is haunted

Hunted by the hot headedness of the youth and reckless aloofness of the old.

No one is safe here. We all have our ghosts.

Imperfect life in a perfect way

I was so disgraced by everything around me being so imperfect. Hate, pain and sorrow seems to be in trend Where ever i go. Sometimes i sit back and wonder why there is so much of a hate, pain, sorrow and depression among youngster. Is it because the youngster these days are way much expecting things than we did in our times. Or is it because they are left free to do anything they want which further leads them in to such stage.

For me i always tried searching perfect within everything. And what i believed is that there’s always perfect within imperfect itself (like the x factor thing). All u need to do is to find it. I believe there’s always someone crazy enough and can relate to u, do crazy stuffs along with you and make your imperfect world a perfect one where u can find every joy and where there is no sign of sorrow. Someone who can always there for you and motivates and supports you in everything you do.

My life was never this perfect as it is now, my world was a mess. At times full of pain, sorrow and was depressed most of the time. The word "Friends" were no words to trust for and collogue was no more colleague after u were out of the office. Things were as hard as one can ever think of. Was alone within the crowd.

I have my sister who is crazy enough and understand me so well. She was always there for me and supported me in every way she can. We laughed and did so many crazy stuffs together that one can barely imagine of. Then a sudden thought drifted to my mind …… I realized that I was happy and smiling again. My sorrow was vanished in to the air.  Then came to know that u always don’t need a reason to be happy for. Sometimes doing things like a child - carefree, fun, and crazy to get your life back. And I always did the same.

There is another friend of mine named Raul, we were college friends. During our college we were just friends but as soon as the college was over we turned into best-friend. We both love doing all the crazy stuffs, i was comforting enough to act like a child again and have loads of fun and he was there acting like a child and doing all the crazy stuffs along with me.  I forgot all the stress of my work and what the sorrow was. We laugh at the face of sorrow and kept supporting each other. Together we were 100 times better than any individual in anything. It’s like we knew everything then rest of the world. And there was a friend of mine named Sania  ... damns she so much reminded me of my sister, she was as crazy as my sister. We used to have so much in common to talk about and even she did understand my silence as well.

So it is not necessary that you always have to live your life as other wants. Sometimes all u have to do is act crazy and break some bound. Live your life as the way you want….live yours imperfect life in a perfect way. Follow your dream and Be proud and say I did what I want. “Sometimes being crazy is not being crazy but giving other person to wonder how they are living their life”.

Glad to have you all in my live. Love you all ;)

Becoming An TECH_STEWART

Well to start with, on the 13th of May our 3 week intense course of social media courses started at global platform and here’s 17th of May to announce the Complete of the 1st week. During this we got so many thing across that always interested us and kept us curious that how a social media also can be a useful tools in creating a social awareness and how tactfully we can  challenge the problem that are still prevailed in the society. Before the course started we barely knew anything and now we are on the way of becoming a teck-Steward or also a good Hacktivism.

Hacktivism is an open-source implosion. It takes the best of hacking culture, and the imperatives of the quantum community, and fuses a solution. Hacktivism forges conscience with technology and girds us against the disagreeable nature of conflict. It allows us to mount better arguments, rally unseen allies, and take on any tyranny with various tools like Internet, Videography, Photography, Blog spot and different social Medias like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Google+ Etc.

Well we really look forward to get more and more of a useful things and wide range of information by the end of this social media course and become a good Tech-steward and also a hacktivist.

On The Highway to DEATH

I was distressed and disgusted with everything around me, so i dug myself a grave with a system that as soon as i pull a trigger a box full of earth would pour over me.

I had attempted suicide before. Once i tried to poison myself with a handful of sedatives and painkillers but these tranquilizers seemed ineffective. Then i tried to suffocate myself but couldn’t hold my breath long enough. Razor and knives seems rather painful. There weren't any cliff around and hanging myself to death would make me appear like a prisoner. So i took my father’s gun with a heavy heart and went to the forest to end my life.

I did not swear to tremble through the whole process. I thought of not having a chance to say good bye to my near ones or not getting to party again, but nothing bothered me. I was on a mission. Mission to end my life. I was lying on the bed of earth. Staring blankly at the irregular patches of the sky. I slowly put the gun against my head. But to my misfortune my trigger didn't budged. I pulled the gun harder but instead, the box of sand slashed on me. From that moment on, it was just me, my life and a box of sand over me.

I had no courage to try to pull the trigger again. What of the stray of bullet hit my knee instead on my head?? I couldn’t imagine death so slow where i have to bleed drop by drop.

After my futile attempt to die i realized that the death wasn't that easy. It is never comforting to know that you are trying to kill yourself. But i never thought that this would be this hard. However i seem to be completely infatuated by death, for i was running after it time and again. Yet every time death has somehow managed to trick me and vanished in to thin air. I wish i could close my eye so that the beast of my mind will rip open my trembling pupils to leap out and slice into pieces. Then i shall finally have my last laugh at the face of death.

Or perhaps an angel will walk through this darkness, and carry me with her in to the clouds. Or perhaps the devil will pop up beside me and tie me to his tail and drag me deep underground while i was trying to recollect the bloody face that i see on my way.

Hmmmm.... i wonder what kind of expression i will have as a corpse. Will it be whimsical or just plain peaceful?? On the contrary, i have always desire to die mysteriously, with a grim or a smirk on my face showing my satisfaction. Perhaps a sly smile telling the mourners that they are foolish if they are shedding tears over my death.

How does it feel when a bullet penetrates you??? Will my soul travel the earth or will it hang on some deserted area on a dead tree??? For now, all i can do is laugh at my stupidity. I cannot go back to do the whole thing again with the better gun. The only sound that comes out of me is short breath of 'huh' like when a horse hissing when he gets something in his nose.

Come back to think of it, what am i doing here anyway?? Why am i trying to burry myself six feet under in such a way that no one will ever know that what the hell happened to me. Am i so embarrassed of myself that i had to dig a mausoleum of the woods so that i couldn't console myself in it so that the world would not be able to see or gag about me?? This is pathetic. I am such an idiot for putting myself through this.

Someone please wake me!! Tell me it was a nightmare!! Someone please!!!!

Oh! I would give anything to hear the bird sing. Or to see the sun shine on the crisp leaves. Is it and crawling over my face or it is my fear?? I bet my fears have reincarnated and multiplied. No i don't want to end things this way.  I cannot believe into my hype of daftness.  There are people in Africa going through bigger fights.  There is famine, AIDS, war and god knows what else. Still they are clinging on dearly to their lives and fighting for their survival every minute.  And here i am a head strong 24 years old from a well to do family, who hasn’t even faced a real challenge of life yet, but has developed a urgency of death. What’s wrong with me??? I need to repriotrise. i deserve a second chance.

Dear life please don’t leave me.  Hang on with me a little longer.  I will get us out of here.  I will be nicer and smarter this time. Oh god save me.

Crying would be useless in the middle of nowhere, so again and again i shift from right to left hopping to see sun shine and smile to it to thank for this truly precious gift called life. "BANG" there goes my effort in vain. The hot metal is creeping through my chest. I rest back with a surprise look on my face. There was no cry, no soreness, in fact not a single utterance from me.........

I just felt cold.........................